The Zodiac Constellations Were Terrible, So We Updated Them To Better Fit Your Personality.

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Judging from the fact that they still print horoscopes in the newspaper, a lot of people buy into the notion of astrological personalities.  The problem is, the western zodiac is based on the constellations in the sky of each particular month, and they rarely have anything to do with the personality trait commonly assigned to that sign.  We decided to play God and make our own constellations to fit with each astrological trait.

The real Aquarius constellation is a crappy picture of a guy holding a vase.

If Aquarius is your sign, you are said to be “friendly and humanitarian” so our updated Aquarius constellation is a crappy picture of Bono, the greatest humanitarian of all.

The Pisces constellation looks like this and is supposed to be fish or something.

Pisces are said to be “creative and imaginative” so we changed the constellation to feature a unicorn horn and figured you can imagine the rest.

This is Aries and it’s a really terrible depiction of a ram, but a great depiction of a line.

An Aries has the personality that is “adventurous,” so we changed the constellation to a filet ‘o’ fish from McDonalds because fish is the most adventurous item you could order at a fast food restaurant.

Here is Taurus and surprise, it doesn’t look like an ox.

A Taurus person is said to be “patient.” Naturally the constellation should depict a McRib sandwich which one must patiently await every few years or so.

The Gemini constellation features two figures holding hands despite being completely headless.

Geminis are said to be “adaptable” so we drew what looks like a boat but is actually a Transformer in disguise. Can Transformers be boats? We don’t know, we didn’t see the new Transformers movie so there’s absolutely no way of knowing.

This is the Cancer constellation and this crab looks like crud.

Cancers are known to be “emotional,” so we think the constellation should be of the Pixar lamp, to remind us of how hard we cried during Toy Story 3 (and Up, and Wall-E, etc…)

If a Leo was a weird finger-monster on four legs, this would be the perfect constellation, but this is sadly not so.

Leos are supposed to be “confident” so here is our new constellation—a broad and manly chest.

This is the constellation for Virgo? Uh, please go!

Virgos are “shy and intelligent,” so… I dunno, here’s a comic book or something for you nerds.

Based on the constellation for Libras, you would think that it’s the sign for structurally unsound buildings.

Actually Libras are “diplomatic and hospitable” and pizza is always a diplomatic choice, so here is sky-pizza.

Hey Scorpios, where’d you get that constellation, the fart store?

Scorpios are “powerful and strong” so we think this new constellation proves that much like the Wu-Tang Clan, Scorpios “ain’t nothing to f**k with.”

Don’t dig this Sagittarius constellation that looks like a teacup on a string?

Sagittarius are supposed to be “filled with hope,” so here is a bong hoping to be filled with weed.

The Capricorn’s constellation kinda looks like a goat, I guess.

The Capricorn personality is said to be “ambitious” so we kinda just added Bono-glasses to make him look stadium ready.

Wow so constellations are actually surprisingly hard to make, so we’re gonna cut the artist behind the Big Dipper some slack even though it’s supposed to be a bear and looks like a spoon… which is the exact opposite of a bear.  Anywho, if you like stars and stuff, or think you can draw in space better than us, give this a share on Facebook.

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